There seems to be a trend where men ask each other which is the biggest or most dangerous animal they think they could beat in a one-on-one fight. The truth about this mostly imaginary scenario is that most humans without tools – would get destroyed by MOST animals in the animal kingdom. Quickly. Or do you disagree? Either way, let’s get into this…
As a man, let me just say this…
Most of us – can be complete idiots. There’s a reason that women live longer than men – and it’s because they don’t do the stupid things we do just to make our friends laugh or just the sheer excitement of doing something dangerous.
For example, I used to jump off bridges into the Erie Canal. Never mind that the water was disgusting – but sharp, jagged rocks we used as the bed and walls of the canal – I’m lucky I didn’t cut my head open.
I’d like to say we grow out of this “danger-equals-fun” mindset as we get older – but that would be a lie. In fact, sometimes it gets worse – as we now have money to fund any idiotic excursions that comes to mind. Want to swim with sharks? Sure, let’s go to Florida! Want to see lions in the wild? Sure, let’s go to Africa! Want to hang out with rescued chimps? Sure, there’s a refuge in almost every state!
When it comes to risk…
Most of us underestimate the chances of bodily harm. Even more, we severely underestimate the chances of death.
Again, it’s because we’re idiots.
We’re so dumb, that we believe that we have the ability to fight a wild animal and not only survive… but win.
I found this out sitting around after teaching my grappling class one night. Myself and some of my students were exhausted after beating the crap out of each other for an hour and a half – and so we were just chilling on the mats and shooting the proverbial shit as men do.
That’s when the topic of fighting animals came up.
Well, it didn’t start with animals. It started with, “How many kindergartners do you think you could take in a fight.” We went through the various scenarios and everybody put their numbers out there. For the record – I think my number 51 until they’re able to dogpile me.
Anywho, this conversation led to the question of, “Which wild animal do you think you could take in a fight? One-on-one. No weapons. Just fists versus fangs?”
I was astounded at some of the answers.
At least two of my guys think they could beat a wolf. One of my buys thinks he could be a chimp, and one of my guys thought they could beat a black bear. Two of my guys couldn’t make a decision.
Me?
I think if the chips were down – the biggest animal I could take in a fight – MIGHT be a bobcat… or a wombat.
Anything bigger than that… I give myself 50/50.
Seriously, have you ever tried to hold down a house cat to trim its nails? It’s like trying to wrangle a tornado.
Now, for total transparency – I’m 6 feet 1 inch and weigh in at a solid (if not a little fluffy) 295 pounds.
A full grown timber wolf can be 6 feet on its hind legs and 175 pounds – while I outweigh it by more than 100 pounds – I would get absolutely destroyed. I’d be wolf poop 3 days from the start of the encounter.
Now, I’d probably last longer due to my size, strength (thank the Iron Gods) and my combat skills…
But I’d still go down – and so would most people.
Get this, “According to a 2014 Department of Health and Human Services report, men in the U.S. are on average 4,000% less effective in fights than they imagine. However, a 2019 NCBI study found that muscularity is related to men’s self-perception of fighting ability, and that men may take into account the overestimation of the relationship between strength and muscularity that exists among their peers.”
So, even though the report states that muscularity doesn’t equate to fighting skills…
It is a deterrent.
Power perceived is often times – power achieved. You don’t need to be the best fighter in the room – you just need to LOOK like the best fighter. So, there’s a practical reason for lifting and getting jacked OTHER than having to move friends’ furniture for a pizza and beer.
Look, given the choice – I’d rather get into ZERO fights. I’m too old to worry about skinned knees and lawsuits. I don’t need that kind of trouble in my life. So, if being one of the biggest guys in the room gets me out of a few unneeded scuffles…
I’m ok with that.
However, there are two things to consider:
- That muscularity does NOT translate to combat skills. If you want to ensure you get the best chance in any physical encounter – it’s best to train at least one of the big four: wrestling, boxing, muay thai or jiu jitsu.
And… - Don’t think your size or strength would give you ANY kind of advantage in a fight with a wild animal. Understand that against most animals, even Labradors… you’d get smoked.
But that doesn’t mean we should lift and get as strong as possible…
At the very least, it will help you last long enough to escape any encounter with a wild animal with some cuts and bruises – and worst – if you gon down, you can go down doing some damage.
So, keep lifting, my friends…
You’ll never know when you’ll need that strength to save your life.
“The life of a wild animal always has a tragic end.” – Ernest Thompson Seton
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